The artist within...

I usually don’t like to complain to someone about the feelings I’m having about stuff I’m going through.. I usually keep all this shit within me and try to work out my problems from there. So I thought I’d try writing some stuff on here and see what happens. It won’t actually change anything but I think it will only benefit me to get things off my chest.

My number one problem at this moment in time is the art stuff. I love to do digital paintings, its one hobby that gives me pleasure as I do it…. No not sexual pleasure… Just a deep feeling of satisfaction that I can do something like this. I’m at no means a great artist, I still have a lot to learn and do continue to learn new things as time goes by. However I hate the fact that I don’t advance as quickly as I want, it brings me down that I’m not ‘there’ yet. I’ve been at it for about 3-4 years now and I am slowly improving, but not that much. It’s a line of business that I desperately want to be in, that is, creating conceptual art for a movie and/or game company. But I know for me to be in that business I have to have degrees and/or a good deal of work experience to even come close to it.

Most of this bitterness though comes from being apart of this website called http://www.gfxartist.com. It’s basically a site where people from around the world submit their art to each other and everyone has their say on it. This can range from complete scrutiny to absolute praise of a persons art. I’ve been using the site for a while now and every time I submit a new piece of art it sometimes(well most of the time) doesn’t get any comments or positive reviews. Now I KNOW I’m not good but it doesn’t help your self esteem about something when some jerk comes along and gives you shit about your work. Even though there are other artworks 10 times worse than yours they will get good reviews.. I don’t get it. And it angers me.. But it also bothers me that I need this kind of approval from people I will never meet and don’t care about. I’ve been at this now far too long to just give up on it. But it brings me down to the point where my creativity gets blocked because I am under the mindset that I’ll never release a piece of art that gets appraised. Which brings me back to the whole career I’m trying to get into thing. If a bunch of internet nerds don’t have anything good to say about my art, how can I expect a company will??

Art has always been a matter of opinion, what one person likes another person might not. I get that… But its just so frustrating!!! Aaaargggh!..…. Having said that I’m not going to give up on this, as I said I love doing it, and I will continue to do it whether some jerk likes it or not.

Peaceout.
STiX